


Roses are Red

by FallacyFallacy



Category: Little Busters!
Genre: Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Post - Canon, Valentine's Day, White Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallacyFallacy/pseuds/FallacyFallacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One month before Valentine's Day, Riki discovers an old love letter he wrote years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roses are Red

  
Though the memories of the event were still as vivid as ever, already six months had passed since the accident which had changed Riki's life forever. Riki still found it surreal to think about, but here he was back home for the winter holidays, and everything here looked exactly the same as it had a year ago before everything happened. For the first three months, he'd been too busy worrying about Kyousuke and the others to think about anything else - in fact, when he looked back on it, the whole period appeared as little more than a very tense blur in his memories. Then for the next three months, he had been so relieved to have everyone back and safe that he'd directed all his energy into playing around with them without a care for the passing time.

Despite all the things that had occurred as he came to befriend each of the girls in the dream world, once the accident was over Riki had wanted nothing more than to take a break and post-pone the question of romance for later, and by now he guessed he'd long since given up the opportunity to bring up that question again. Yet he couldn't say he was unhappy. He was having fun – more fun than he had ever had before – and he felt on a level that his tentative forays into greater independence had been overwhelmingly a good thing. Even if he was still single, he didn't regret the extra time he'd had to take for himself and remember so many fun things he had forgotten.

Though that wasn't to say that he was totally happy with the prospect of spending two weeks in a house with nothing more than a phone, two extremely uncommunicative adults, and a whole heap of homework to keep him company. This and the fact that he'd been thinking more than usual lately about his previous life had lead him to where he currently was – sitting on the floor of his room going through a pile of old notes and various miscellany from his childhood that he'd kept stored on the bottom shelf of his cupboard.

_I am the master of heaven and all shall bow before me!!_ was written on one page, with a strangely compliant _*bow* *bow*_ beneath it. Riki rolled his eyes and shut the notebook – it was kind of cool to see this record of the things he and the others wrote in class to each other back then, but in the end there really was no way reading anything written by himself when he was thirteen wasn't going to be pretty embarrassing.

Entertained regardless, he moved to the next thing in the pile. This proved just as fruitful – a clumsily-cut heart-shaped card with a surprisingly loaded message scrawled in the middle.

_I remember this..._ he thought, smiling to himself. _Rin gave one to each of us that year, didn't she? And even though she thought it was obviously just a friendship card, it ended up not really coming across that way..._ He still remembered the way he'd approached Rin and stuttered through an awkward attempt at a response until Rin's uncomprehending expression had made the truth clear. The only saving grace was that five minutes later, an equally uncomfortable-looking Kengo had walked into the room as well.

As he put the card to one side, a memory tugged at him. However, before he could examine the thought, something else caught his eye.

_An envelope...?_

It looked a little battered and bent, the paper stained yellow with dirt. It was still sealed and unopened, and for a moment Riki wondered whether some of his mail had somehow accidentally managed to make its way into here.

And then he noticed the word written on the front – Kyousuke.

Riki set the letter down immediately. His brow furrowed minutely and all other thoughts left him.

_Oh_ , he thought. That _letter._

Yes, he remembered now – how he had returned to his room jittery and terrified and immediately dug the envelope out of his bag to shove it into the pile on this shelf where hopefully nobody would find it. He'd been so freaked out about it that in retrospect he was a little surprised he hadn't ripped it up entirely. Though, he had been pretty sentimental back then.

Sentimental – yeah, that was one way of looking at it.

Riki sighed and shifted to lean against the wall. He turned the envelope over in his hands. There was no way he would enjoy reading whatever was in there. But he'd been looking at embarrassing stuff all afternoon, and he couldn't quite remember the exact words he'd used, so he reluctantly tore the envelope open and unfolded the letter.

_Dear Kyousuke,_

_I am so sorry I had to tell you this through a letter, but there is no way I would ever be able to say this in person. I feel like I've been deceiving you for years. The truth is, I'm actually completely in love with you._

Riki closed the letter again and covered his face with his hand. _It's not even that flowery, it's just... really really honest. Even desperate. That's just as embarrassing, though..._

Somehow, the words themselves plunged through Riki and hit at something the vague memory on its own hadn't. He could remember vividly now how intensely he had laboured over this message – how strongly he had honestly felt that he was in love with Kyousuke with no hope of recovery and how dearly he had hoped beyond all measure that Kyousuke might feel the same way.

Because that was the way he'd been back then, wasn't it?

In the years since, Riki's feelings had dramatically cooled. Partially due to a deliberate suppression, and partially due to the fact that infatuation of that kind could only remain at such a height for so long, it had been a long time since his crush on Kyousuke had really felt overwhelming, or even much like a crush at all. He was still very much attracted to him (as irritating as that was) and he was still vaguely aware of its existence when questions about his romantic life arose, but for all intents and purposes it rarely affected his daily life nowadays.

Not so back then. For that brief but memorable time – six months, was it? Or a year? Or even longer? - his feelings for Kyousuke truly had felt like something he was only barely in control of, requiring constant surveillance of his own behaviour lest he reveal himself. It must have been exhausting, but back then not being around Kyousuke hadn't been an option, and the continual terror of being discovered had been balanced out by the simple fact that, in his eyes, Kyousuke was amazing and every moment spent with him had been more pleasurable than he could imagine. He had truly been infatuated, if not quite in love, and his feelings for Kyousuke had been like a ticking timebomb that he had been certain would end either wonderfully or terribly but surely nowhere in between.

And that was the other thing – he had honestly believed that Kyousuke might feel the same way. Though he had been absolutely terrified of being found out, once Rin's valentine had sparked the idea of confessing and that desire had crystallised into action, he had followed through with a determination he now had to admit was pretty admirable. He remembered now how he had poured over the letter for hours, writing and rewriting it, trying to encapsulate all the complex and overbearing feelings inside of him into mere words. And when the day came, he had honestly made every effort to get it to him. He'd looked for any opportunity he could find to leave it for Kyousuke somewhere without being seen, and he'd almost been to the point of tears by the end of the day when his friends all refused to leave him alone long enough to let him do it. After he'd stowed the letter away on coming home, he'd thrown himself onto his bed, frustrated and exhausted, feeling like a failure. Sure, he'd resigned himself to this fate even though he probably hadn't needed to – while he had had vague plans at the time to try again some other day, he never even got close to making another attempt, and ultimately he forgot about the pact completely. But nobody could say that, on that fateful White Day almost four years earlier, he hadn't tried.

Really, in retrospect, this dedicated person in his memories was far from the uniformly passive Riki he'd painted his past self as being throughout his childhood. He'd taken a risk back then, even though he understood very well the possible consequences, and if Masato had been just one minute slower that time in the hallway his teenage years might have gone very different. When was it, then, that he gave up on that possibility, and settled in for a gloomy life of repression and reaction? When, in fact, was the last time he'd pursued any end with such resolve?

_...if that's the question, then it would have to be that incident, right?_

At that thought, Riki put the envelope back onto the pile and set out returning everything back to the drawer. No, that was a stupid comparison. Teenagers confessed their feelings for each other every day – if Riki had tried it, too, that just meant he hadn't been quite as pathetic as he thought he'd been, not that he'd managed anything special. And, the 'consequences'? He'd been completely melodramatic – he'd had no reason to get so worried about it at all. The only thing that had inclined him to believe that his friendship with Kyousuke was at risk was his own insecurities, and yet he'd been utterly sure of it without question. The whole thing had been nothing more than typical adolescent overreacting. While it might appear less exciting from the outside, his decision to put away his feelings had been clearly the most practical response. Even if the situation wasn't quite so dire as he'd imagined, he still had no reason to believe Kyousuke would feel the same way, after all.

Having put the stack away, Riki returned to his desk and resolved to do more on his homework.

However, his peace wasn't to last long. The thing was, Riki had always been a pretty internal sort of person – the kind to overthink things and worry too much and obsess over things in his own brain. While he was with his friends, that was easy enough to get around. But in a silent house with nobody to talk to, there was nothing stopping his mind from working at full speed. And at the present moment, there was only one thing it could focus on.

So Riki worked on his homework as best he could, and then had his dinner and his bath at the normal time, and when he finally returned to his room that evening he didn't waste an moment before he took out the envelope again.

He smoothed the paper over, heart beating. And then, before he could change his mind, he quickly took the letter out.

_Dear Kyousuke,_

_I am so sorry I had to tell you this through a letter, but there is no way I would ever be able to say this in person. I feel like I've been deceiving you for years. The truth is, I'm actually completely in love with you._

_I know this is very sudden, but I have felt this for a long time, and I don't believe I can hold it back for much longer. I believe I owe it to you to tell you this directly, rather than let you find out accidentally. But though this might seem like it is coming out of nowhere, I assure you that I mean everything I am saying from the bottom of my heart._

_I cannot request that you return my feelings. I understand that you may be horrified and disgusted by this thought, and if you do not want to be my friend anymore after learning this truth then I will be heartbroken but I will understand. The only thing that I ask of you is that you do take my feelings with utmost seriousness._

_Please meet me after school tomorrow behind the gym to tell me your response. If you are not there, I will assume that you so not wish to see me anymore and will bother you no longer._

_Sincerely, Riki._

Yes, it was just as he thought. Riki stared down at the words intently, hands shaking. It really was a stupidly embarrassing, over the top message. Yet it wasn't just that he recognised the feeling behind it – no, he still felt it, even now.

He folded the letter up slowly, thinking. All along, he'd been thinking about his feelings for Kyousuke as though they were a one-way deal – if he was less distracted by him nowadays, it was because he was making progress towards his goal of getting over him completely, and there was no possibility of reverting back. But... was it possible that this wasn't the case? Has his 'progress' been mistaken – had it just been that, like this letter, he had hidden his feelings in the back of his mind, out of sight but still present?

Honestly, it was a scary thought.

_The truth is, I'm actually completely in love with you._

A shiver ran through Riki's body.

He felt...unsatisfied. Back then, he had been so sure that one day Kyousuke would find out the truth. He'd devoted more than a day to seeing that out, expending a tremendous amount of effort. To never ever reveal it, even after his feelings had held strong for so long, would be incredibly frustrating.

Maybe it would still come out eventually, though? It wasn't impossible that, ten years from now, they'd be out drinking and they'd both be married and they'd be reminiscing about the past and Riki would finally, haltingly, embarrassed and laughing, admit that he actually kind of had a crush on Kyousuke way back then. Everyone would laugh and tease him and someone would probably shake their head and declare that they knew it and it'd all be just a funny thing that happened back then, like their baseball team or the time they accidentally threw Rin onto the roof.

...though, that didn't feel all that dignified, either. It seemed possible, but that only made Riki feel even more small.

And if Kyousuke were the one to haltingly, embarrassed and laughing, admit that he'd once had a crush on Riki, that would feel like a failure of truly epic proportions.

Maybe he wouldn't need to wait that long. The girls liked their games –eventually they'd have to end up all playing truth or dare together and then when someone inevitably asked him who the first person he liked was or whether he'd had any childhood crushes or anything of that sort he could pretend to refuse and then reluctantly admit that he'd liked Kyousuke briefly when he was thirteen – had even been prepared to confess.

Ugh.

Riki shook his head. This was stupid. He wanted Kyousuke to know, yeah, but speculating about all these cowardly ways he could fulfil that without actually doing the important part of admitting his present feelings wasn't going to help anything. If he told Kyousuke, it'd be through a proper confession. Anything else was pathetically wishy-washy.

...though, that made him think. He glanced towards the computer on his desk, standing up. If he did confess to Kyousuke right now – tomorrow, say - what would he say? If he were to write a new, updated love note, how would he do it?

It felt like a similarly pointless, silly idea, but it was an intriguing one. On a whim, he sat down in the chair and opened a new document.

...so. Now what?

It was surprisingly difficult to know where to start. He was beginning to understand why it had taken him so long to come up with something he could be satisfied with those four years ago.

He hesitated, fingers tapping on the keyboard. And then, slowly, he typed.

_Kyousuke,_

_Sorry to bother you with such a strange note. Also sorry to give you a note, of all things – I promise I'd tell you this all in person if I could, but I guess I'm still a little weak and need to resort to these things. I want to tell you this in the right words so that there aren't any misunderstandings._

_The truth is, I kind of like you._

Riki paused. And then he backspaced.

_The truth is, I like you. I've felt this way for quite a while now, though I've been able to keep it under wraps for the most part._

_However, I would like to make it clear that I'm not expecting you to say that you feel the same way. In fact, I don't even expect you to give me a reply at all. I know that you consider us to just be friends, and I'm honestly more than okay with that. Being friends with you has been one of the most wonderful things in the world to me and I'd be selfish to ask for more. I've known all along that these feelings would never go anywhere, so I've had plenty of time to get used to the idea. Please don't feel the need to pity me._

_So, why am I telling you this? I understand that this is an unexpected and unnecessary burden and for that I apologise. This is my weakness again: because you're my precious friend, I don't want to hide anything from you any longer. In addition, I want to grant you the respect of being able to decide how to feel about this on your own. If you need some time to think, that's fine. I would even accept it if you felt you couldn't be my friend anymore. Either way, it felt like something you should know._

_Thanks for taking the time to read such a long and poorly-written and self-indulgent note,_

_Riki._

Riki sat back.

That had definitely been harder than he expected. Even now, looking back on it he didn't really like it at all. Since he didn't plan to actually show it to anyone he didn't feel any motivation to fix it, but if he did mean to hand it over he'd doubtless need a lot of time to rework it all over.

But it was definitely an improvement. He hadn't unnecessarily dramatised his feelings or Kyousuke's response, and he hadn't been quite so demanding of him, either. It was too long, but he was pretty sure he'd reassured Kyousuke well that this didn't need to be a big deal.

Though that itself brought up probably the biggest problem: when he found himself typing _So, why am I telling you this?_ it had taken him several seconds to come up with an answer. And while the one he'd given was plausible enough, it didn't quite feel like the truth.

_I guess that's the thing, though. This is just a practice, so of course I can't come up with a good reason why I'd be giving it. If there was a reason, I really would be confessing, not just pretending to._

With a sigh, Riki clicked the exit button, but was stopped by the prompt. Feeling really far too sentimental for his own good, he gave the file a nondescript name and saved it somewhere deep in his documents where nobody would be likely to check, if for some reason somebody else was using his computer in the first place.

When he went to bed that night, a little dissatisfaction still niggled at him. But, he thought honestly, that was probably just something he'd have to live with. In the end, it'd be worth it. He was okay with that.

*

By the time Riki arrived at the cafeteria for breakfast, he'd already been bumped twice accidentally by hastily walking people and had encountered no less than three intense whispered conversations between people huddled together by the corridor walls. Even here, there was a weird tension in the room, and as he looked around several people glanced away from him rather than meet his eyes.

As he sat down, he wondered aloud, “Is it just me or is everyone really worked up today?”

“Yeah, it's been building up like that, hasn't it?” Kyousuke leaned back and shrugged, toast in hand. “I figure it's probably because Valentine's Day is coming up soon.”

Riki slumped. “Right. I'd almost forgotten about that. Even though it's still the middle of January...”

“Only a month to go.”

Kengo appeared then and sat down beside Riki. “What are you talking about?”

“Valentine's day,” Riki informed him.

“...ugh.” Kengo's expression immediately transformed into one of intense displeasure, before he sighed with exhaustion. “Right. That's soon, isn't it.”

“Dammit, that asshole is complaining about getting notes again isn't he, like he's so special...” Masato grumbled darkly.

“Ahaha... Normally I'd agree with you, but...” Riki bit his lip, remembering the letter he'd discovered a few weeks ago. “Actually... I've never received one, so I've always wondered. What is it like to get a letter like that?”

“Irritating,” Rin responded immediately. “They're always from these random guys I don't even know, who expect me to go out of my way to see them just because they want to. To be honest, I usually don't even reply. No idea why people keep sending them anyway.”

“Thankfully most take the lack of response as a hint and don't push it,” Kyousuke explained. “There's always the odd one who won't let it go, though...”

“I had no idea.” Riki's heart thumped a little, awkwardly – was he one of the ones who wouldn't let it go? “Is that just for Rin, or for you as well?”

“Just Rin.” Kyousuke grinned. “I don't actually get that many.”

“What, no way!”

“It's true.” Kyousuke shrugged. “And with all the girls this year, I wouldn't be surprised if we all got a lot less.”

“That's true...” Riki snorted. “Well, if that's the case, I really can't complain, can I...”

“Why would you even care?” Rin said, eyebrow raised doubtfully. “Those sorts of letters are worthless.”

“Why?”

“Because it's so cowardly. Why not just tell me your feelings to my face, like a man? Anyone who tries to confess that way isn't worth going out with.”

“It is a bit more difficult than that, though...” Riki said thoughtfully. “I mean, having real feelings for someone is a pretty intense thing. It's sometimes hard to speak right at all around someone you really like, let alone confess your feelings. And that'd just pave the way for misunderstandings. It's not a bad idea to get down everything you want to say in advance and tell them that way.”

“That was pretty insightful,” Kyousuke said, approvingly. “Why, have you written a letter like that yourself?”

“Eh?” Caught off guard, Riki paused. But after just a moment's thought he gave up – denying it at this point would be more suspicious, and it probably wouldn't hurt to tell this much, anyway. “...only once. And a long time ago, too.”

“Whoooo, really?!” Masato replied instantly; Kengo and Kyousuke also had leaned in with excited expressions, and even Rin's eyes were wide.

“...yes. But it's not a big deal, it's just kind of embarrassing...”

“Who was it to?” Kengo demanded immediately.

“I won't say,” Riki replied calmly. “It'd feel like a betrayal to my younger self – I really tried hard to keep it a secret back then. And like I said, it's really embarrassing, so...”

“Was it Rin?!” Kyousuke suggested quickly.

“What did I just...? No, though, it wasn't Rin.”

“Then was it Kyousuke?” Masato asked, apparently innocently.

“Wh-wha?” Riki forced himself to respond instantly. “Of course not. Don't say weird things.”

“I don't think it sounds weird...” Kyousuke said, but mercifully the subject was then dropped.

“What'd you even say?” Rin asked, looking morbidly interested. “It's hard to imagine you going all smooth and poetry-like or anything...”

“It wasn't really much like that. Just kinda... overly honest.”

“How can you be overly honest in a love letter?” Kyousuke asked, bewildered. “Isn't that the whole point?”

“Well, it's like... I dunno, I thought the whole thing was way too important in the first place? And I got really overly worried and over the top when it came to my own feelings, and kinda blurted all of that onto the page.”

“In other words,” Kengo said with a smirk, “you were convinced that you were totally in love with her and that you'd be broken forever if you got rejected, and said as much.”

“...I was thirteen,” Riki attempted lamely.

“Ah, young love...” Kyousuke murmured, looking weirdly nostalgic.

“Why, did you ever write one like that?”

“Nope,” Kyousuke said immediately.

“Same,” said Kengo, and then Masato and Rin nodded as well.

Masato clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Guess it's just you, then, Riki!”

“Ahah...” Riki sighed. “Though, they're memories I'd rather forget. It didn't actually work out or anything, so all I really have to show for it is embarrassment...”

The others became quiet, sending him glances of sympathy. Even Rin looked more sober than usual and bowed her head to pat at the cat on her lap rather than look at him.

“It's fine, it's fine. Like I said, it was four years ago.”

“Still, it's always sad when that happens...” Kengo murmured. Judging from his expression, Riki guessed that he couldn't manage to be quite as blasé as Rin when it came to rejecting people.

“They say that teenagers exaggerate, but for them, their feelings feel very real – maybe even stronger than for adults,” Kyousuke commented wisely.

“...I dunno about that. I mean, I was really serious about it at the time-” the words _The only thing that I ask of you is that you do take my feelings with utmost seriousness_ entered his mind at the words but he shook it off. “...but, surely that was kind of silly of me to treat it that way?”

“I don't see why so. You said you overestimated the importance of your feelings before – but they had a really big impact on you, didn't they?”

“Yeah, but...” Struggling to find a way to explain the situation without revealing anything, in the end he instead whined “but a _love letter!_ It's just too embarrassing...”

“Adults are always insistent on claiming that their past actions were embarrassing, in order to save themselves from having to seriously confront them.”

“Stop defending childish things in such an adult way...”

“Hate to cut in,” Kengo said, “but there's only ten minutes until classes start.”

“Ah!” Riki turned back to his forgotten breakfast and started on it immediately. “Thanks,” he mumbled in between bites.

“Ugh, we're gonna have to go back to that history assignment again, aren't we?” Rin groaned, and so the subject changed.

*

That night, Riki found it harder than usual to sleep. He picked up his phone to browse the internet for a while to distract his mind, but then his eyes caught the Message button.

Feeling stupid, he opened up a draft.

_Sorry, Kyousuke, but you were the one I was going to give the letter to. But it's fine – I'm pretty much over you now, anyway, so you don't need to worry._

He stared at it, hard.

_But it's fine – I'm trying really hard to get over you and it's mostly working, so you don't need to worry._

With a sigh, he deleted the message and dropped the phone.

Kyousuke would probably respond really really well. He'd be as mature and caring as always and tell Riki it made him happy to hear that he cared for him so much and that he always wanted to be his friend anyway. He'd hug Riki and smile sympathetically and ask if there was anything he could do to help out, and if Riki was weird for a while he'd come up with some excuse so Riki wouldn't have to explain himself to anybody else.

...yeah, that's definitely what he'd do.

Riki rolled over. When he was thinking about the letter, he had assumed he'd thought Kyousuke would react badly out of a misplaced sense of doom, but maybe it had been exactly the opposite. Because regardless of what he might have thought back then, the thought of Kyousuke reacting like that to his confession... well, it made him feel even worse.

*

The next month was a little...weird.

Whether it was the letter or their conversation or his last attempt to write a satisfactory confession note, Riki's previously pushed down feelings for Kyousuke had risen up again stubbornly unpushed. No matter how hard he tried to apply his previous tactics, they always returned again eventually, growing upwards slowly but carefully whenever he wasn't looking. It wasn't really comparable to the situation when he was thirteen – it wasn't that he was barely able to keep his emotions at bay, but rather that he continually needed to re-evaluate himself in a way he hadn't in ages – but that was more than enough to make him feel uneasy.

And what made him uncomfortable most of all was the thought of telling Kyousuke. Or not telling Kyousuke. Or how he'd react. Or how he should do it.

Really, he'd resorted to banning the entire subject from his mind, at least when Kyousuke himself was around.

And unlike most things with him, thinking it over only seemed to make it worse. With an almost astonishing swiftness, as soon as he devoted any time at all the the concept the awkwardness would return, like he was out of place in some kind of integral way, caught in too-tight clothes that hadn't changed while he grew older unnaturally.

It was like... well, it was a little like he was supposed to have confessed years ago, and now reality was converging in on him again.

But no matter what reality felt, his feelings were his own. And, deep down, when the subject had been dredged up so many times that he couldn't stop himself from unearthing other truths with it anymore, his feelings were clear: the concept of confessing was absolutely terrifying.

The thought didn't help. If anything, it made him feel all the more that nothing he could do would be able to make anything better. He was stuck between conflicting views, able to see the results but unable to act, like he was in a glass cubicle – or a mime's cage?

So he pushed these thoughts down as well, ignoring both the call to confess and the call to run away, and waited dully for the time when they would spring back.

*

Valentine's arrived, and as Riki expected, apart from friendship chocolate from the other girls, he received nothing special.

_It's disappointing, but also kind of a relief..._ he thought with a sigh as he watched Kengo pick dully through the pile of envelopes on his lap.

“Geez, haven't they realised by now it's pointless?” he grumbled, even as he set each letter carefully aside for later when he would write a response.

“Heh, I should've guessed that even the presence of other women couldn't stop the romantic president's powers!” Kyousuke said with a grin, cross-legged on the floor beside Riki.

“You guys being around never stopped any of the ones for me,” Rin pointed out irritably.

Riki watched Kengo interestedly. From his angle he couldn't see what was written, only Kengo's reactions.

“I wonder...” he stopped, remembering himself. “No, it's private, isn't it? It wouldn't be good to read someone else's letter.”

“It's not like they'd ever know,” Masato said casually.

“Why do you wanna see?” asked Kyousuke.

“...dunno. Just curiosity, I guess.” Riki bit his lip. “It's one of those things, you know? You never get to see what everyone else does, so you just have to assume your own mental image is normal...”

“Ahh, you're thinking about your letter!” Kyousuke guessed.

Riki sighed. “...maybe.”

“To be honest, I'm more interested in that than any of these,” Kengo said, looking up.

“Haven't you guys teased me enough already?” Riki whined. “I don't know how much more to tell you. I never even gave it, anyway.”

“What, really?!”

Riki stared – all of the others looked shocked.

“...well, yeah. I said it didn't work out, right?”

“I always just figured you got rejected,” Kengo said, eyes narrowing.

“I might as well have. It was never going to work out, anyway.”

“Is that why you didn't give it?” Rin asked, eyebrow raised. “You chickened out?”

“...ehh, maybe? I can't really remember. There were a few reasons. It doesn't really matter.”

“Of course it matters.” Kyousuke was looked at him sternly. “This is a completely different situation.”

“For what?” Riki said, getting exasperated. “I got caught up in some kind of stupid infatuation and did something embarrassing and then quit before it could go wrong. It would never have worked out well and I pretty much got over them really quickly so it turned out fine.”

“'Pretty much'?”

Riki glanced at Kyousuke. His hand was to his chin, his typical pose for dispensing older brotherly wisdom.

“...alright – _did_ get over them.”

“That's a lie,” Kengo countered immediately.

Riki groaned. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters if you still have feelings for them. What could be more important than what you feel right now?”

Riki looked away, pouting. He was sorely beginning to regret ever having brought this up.

“Still, if it's someone you knew in middle school, there's probably not much to do...” Kyousuke continued thoughtfully. “Unless you still know them?”

“H-how many people are there like that?” Riki asked, hastily. “No, look, it's not like I'm – in love with them or anything, alright? There was just never really...a defined ending point. And they're still someone I'd admire. And, I dunno, if we met for some reason and they asked me out then I'd say yes. But that's all, really.”

Kengo leaned forward, expression serious. “So, you continue to compare people you know now to her? Because you still haven't met a better person than her?”

“Er...sure?”

“...Riki.” Kengo sighed, and Riki felt like groaning. Great – here he was, about to get a lecture on something that wasn't even true. _Though, I probably deserve a lecture anyway..._ “That's not good. Even if that person seemed wonderful to you, you have to accept that there's nothing you can do anymore. It's fine to still consider traits they had admirable, but you can't keep thinking of her as a romantic option. If you do that – and especially if you only ever think about their good qualities instead of who they were as a person – it's no question you wouldn't ever be able to find anyone else you'd be happy going out with.”

“...wait, no-” Riki held up his hands. “No, this isn't about – Maybe I just didn't like any of them -”

“What's done is done,” he insisted, over Riki's voice. “It's sad that you'll never know what would have happened, but there's no reason to keep pulling the same mistake today. You can't turn back time.”

“...I understand that,” Riki said, voice stiff even to him. “I understand that sometimes you have to accept reality for what it is, even if it's sad.”

The room was silent. Riki looked away. He could feel Kyousuke's gaze, but ignored it.

“...I'm still single now because I chose to be, not for any other reason. If I had really wanted to be together with Kud, or Haruka-san or Kurugaya-san or Nishizono-san, I would have chosen that. And they would have, too, if they felt that way. This... you're right, I should have given up on this long ago. But I assure you – it's nothing nearly as big as you're imagining. Just some small, stupid thing I keep remembering now and then.”

Riki grit his teeth. Nobody else spoke.

“...do you like anybody right now?”

Riki looked up. Kyousuke was smiling encouragingly, as though he couldn't feel the tension in the room at all.

“...what?”

“Is there anybody else that you like right now, then?”

Riki stared at him, confused, and tried to figure out what he was getting at. However, Kyousuke only waited for a few moments before continuing.

“If you did, now would be a good time to tell them, wouldn't it? After all, White Day's coming up soon.”

“...why are you saying this all of a sudden?”

“Isn't that the normal advice? 'Tis better to have loved or lost, and stuff like that. So you should do it!”

“...well, okay. I guess I'll think about that...”

And then, out of nowhere, Rin. “...I am so confused,” she admitted with a bemused glare. “So, is the one Riki likes right now the same as the one he wrote the letter to?”

“No, they're different people,” Masato informed her, then paused. “Probably. I think.”

“I don't like anybody right now,” Riki said.

“Oooooh.” Masato paused again. “...what?”

“I feel like he lied to us a lot,” Rin said, glaring, “but I can't figure out where...”

“Maybe everything was a lie,” Masato murmured with a faintly horrified expression.

“Why would I do something like that?” Riki pushed himself up, brushing down his clothes. “I'm going to the bathroom.”

Outside, Riki stared into space as he walked.

...what the hell was that all about? He wondered.

And, deep down, a little voice saying: _damn, I never even got a glance at one of those letters..._

*

Things always sounded different when they came from Kyousuke.

At first, Riki had taken Kengo's reprisals at face value – that he ought to accept that he and Kyousuke could never be together and finally move on. But the more Riki tried to make that happen, the more he realised that that was exactly what he'd been trying to do for years already. It wasn't a revelation. It had shocked him out of the weird wishy-washy mood he'd been in since January, but maybe he needed to be shocked out of that.

The way he saw it, several things were true: that he had a big crush on Kyousuke, that he wanted to tell Kyousuke how he felt, that he wanted to treat his feelings seriously, and that, at least for now, it wasn't possible for him to simply will himself over him.

_So you should do it!_

The way he saw it, there was only one solution that stood even a hope of working: he had to confess.

He only wished he could come up with some evidence that he might not get brutally rejected. As it stood, Riki sighed and winced and prepared for the inevitable.

But with Kyousuke's words at his back, it became a little easier. And that hope made a bigger difference than anything else he could think of.

Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't some pathetic loser after all. Maybe, when he was 27 and drinking with Kyousuke at a bar, the thing that would embarrass him wouldn't be that he once had a crush on Kyousuke, but that he had a crush on Kyousuke for over four years and never once did anything about it.

If nothing else, he'd be moving on, that was for sure.

*

It took a couple of weeks to get the moment right – Masato was playing with Rin and some of the girls, Kengo was at practice, and Kyousuke was doing something or other Riki didn't know about. It worried Riki a little but in the end he just didn't have the opportunity to wait much longer. So he go out one of his textbooks and took up a pen and...waited.

_I have no goddamn idea what I'm doing._

Riki groaned and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling. It couldn't be that hard. People confessed every day, right? Most teenagers did at some point, surely. Although, now that he thought about it, he was the only one in his group who had actually written out a letter to that effect, right?

The thought that he was doing something very weird didn't comfort him at all, though.

All he needed to do was communicate all of his feelings to Kyousuke, and make it clear that he had no expectations that Kyousuke would say yes (but also that it'd be totally cool if that was what Kyousuke wanted), all in a message that stayed as down to earth and unembarrassing as possible. And then he had to devote the entire thing to memory so he could tell Kyousuke in person because he was seventeen, dammit, and he was way too old to be writing love letters.

He frowned. He'd been right – when he was faced with the prospect of actually saying this to Kyousuke, writing it was so, so much harder.

His heart thumped. And, reluctantly, he forced himself to write.

Two hours later, all he could do was thank God that he really wasn't planning to give any of this to Kyousuke, because his writing was _awful_. He was tired and his hand was sore and he was still incredibly dissatsfied with what he'd put down.

But at least he had something.

_Kyousuke. Sorry to call you out like this all of a sudden, but I wanted to talk about something. So, even if you think you get it, could you please just let me speak for a minute or two? And then you can say or do whatever you like, it's fine._

_But, the truth is that I like you. Kind of a lot. I have for quite a while now. To be honest, you were the one I wrote the first letter to, but I couldn't find a good moment to give it so I gave up. But I don't want to keep it secret anymore. It's hard and it isn't good for you, either. I want you to be able to decide for yourself how to respond. And if that were a good kind of response that'd be really really awesome but to be honest I've thought for ages that you probably don't feel that way so don't worry, I can take it if it isn't._

_So: that's it._

Riki frowned. _Should I have made it clear that I do want to be with him as a lover? But, I don't want to weird him out or act like I'm pushing him into it, either... But, it's not like there's any chance he'd go along with it if he didn't want to... Ahhh, I don't know..._

Riki dropped his head to the table. This was insane. How could he actually think of doing this? How the hell had he gotten so close to it last time?!

It wasn't as though his thirteen-year-old self had been braver and stronger than he was now, right?

_...all right._ Riki pursed his lips, cursing his brain. _Fine. You win. I'll do it._

Now, all he had to do was re-read this incredibly embarrassing, badly written speech over and over until he'd be able to remember it word for word even while near paralysed with fear.

Riki groaned again.

*

The day came. Riki opened his eyes and glared with determination at the bottom of the bunk overhead.

This was it. He was going to do it. He was going to confess his feelings to a life-long friend and finally put to rest this infatuation of some five years.

He was _goddamn terrified._

He repeated the words of the speech in his head. In his present state, he could barely wrap his tongue around them even lying back in his bed as he was. That was not a positive sign.

He pushed himself up. Though his head felt strangely clear, his body felt a little shaky.

_It's fine_ , he thought. _He'll probably reject me, but we'll definitely stay friends. And it'll at least be better than staying in this pathetic state forever._

He swallowed. That thought made it a little better. A little.

He got ready for school slowly. After much thought, he'd ultimately decided not to bother with giving chocolate. It was the normal thing to do on White Day, but it wasn't as though he could just carry it around in his pocket, and if he had to not only find a good opportunity to speak with Kyousuke privately but also find a time to pick up the chocolate from his bag he'd never manage it. It'd be worse than pointless to act tough right now – he knew full well that the confession on its own would be difficult enough, so anything that could possibly make that easier was a must.

“What's up, Riki?” Masato was looking at him curiously as he thought. “You seem kinda tense.” He frowned. “There isn't a test today I forgot about, is there...?”

“Not that I know of,” Riki said.

“Oh, phew, heh. Man, I'd definitely fail if there was!” Masato stretched cheerily. “So what is it?”

Riki shook his head. “Nothing,” he lied almost automatically. “Uh, just feeling a little weak or something today. Maybe I'm getting a cold...?”

“You should stay back then.”

“No, it's fine. It's not that bad. Just a little more tired than usual, that's all.”

He couldn't tell if Masato was convinced, but either way the other boy shrugged and they both moved on.

Naturally, at the breakfast table, Kyousuke was already there.

“Morning!” he said, with a wave.

“Morning,” Riki and Masato said in unison.

The sight of him was a little shock; Riki sat down warily. Immediately, Kyousuke went back to talking to Rin about something, and Riki breathed a sigh of relief he hadn't realised he was holding.

He toyed with his food. He couldn't bring himself to eat much, but he was on a mission today, so he decided to allow that.

At the tables around him, the atmosphere was almost as tense as it had been on this day a month ago. Girls were huddled in groups, sending quick, terrified glances at the boys, who ranged from moody to sickly-looking. And, here and there, there were the few happy couples laughing and eating joyfully together, ignoring the combined glares of almost everyone else in the room.

To some, there might have been a feeling of camaraderie – the thought that even if one lost out, at least there would be many others feeling the same. But to Riki, this stifling air merely set his teeth even more on edge than they already were.

However, as though totally oblivious to the rest of the room, his friends sitting around him were talking as casually as ever, a strange bubble of normality on this most important day. Riki remained silent, occasionally glancing from his breakfast to the others.

There was no way he'd be able to find a good place to ask Kyousuke aside at this rate, he thought dully.

_But...isn't that fine?_

He relaxed hugely, almost slumping in his seat. Yes, that was fine – it was still early in the day, and he'd have to be pretty eager to confess even before the morning classes. He had the rest of the day ahead. It'd be totally fine if he didn't confess yet – in fact, he probably shouldn't.

So, he didn't.

During morning classes, he caught his breath. So he'd given that up. But he couldn't keep doing that. He really would need to confess eventually. In the break, maybe – no, wait, lunch was longer, wasn't it? Maybe in the break he wouldn't have enough time. Certainly it'd be pretty anticlimactic if the bell rang right in the middle of their conversation. And what if Kyousuke rejected him? What if he didn't even have time to collect himself before he had to go back to class?

_Lunch it is_ , he decided without another thought.

Though, as the minutes torturously dragged on, he couldn't help but notice a sinking feeling in his stomach.

By the time lunch arrived, Riki couldn't have felt more relieved. _Finally_ , he thought with a whimper, _finally I can just_ do _it_.

And then he actually saw Kyousuke. And, mysteriously, all of his motivation vanished in an instant.

He wanted to bang his head against the wall. Why was this so hard?! Why did he have to go through this, why was he forcing himself into this?! The whole point of confessing was so he wouldn't have to deal with this kind of back and forth bullshit anymore, but all his pledge had done was yanked it into a new level of intensity. He was literally shaking. He wanted to do this, so much he could almost cry – wanted to stop feeling so tense, so stupidly emotional – but he could not physically make himself do it.

He sat with the others at lunch, pleading mentally for an opportunity. Any opportunity.

And then, Kyousuke said “I feel like some juice,” and stood up. “Anyone want any?”

“N-no thanks,” Riki said.

He was going to do it. He was actually going to beat his head against the wall.

“You don't look so good,” Kengo said after Kyousuke left. “Is something wrong?”

“He said he thought he had a cold earlier,” Masato explained.

“But you're not sneezing or anything...”

“Maybe the flu, then,” mumbled Riki, irritably. “I just wanna finish the rest of the classes, that's all.”

All of a sudden, Rin flumped down onto the seat beside him, laden with envelopes.

Her eye twitched. “I didn't even get them anything! I got nobody _anything!_ Why the hell do they keep acting so optimistic?! Why...?!”

Kengo shook his head. “It's useless questioning it. All you can do is accept it and hope that next year isn't worse.”

The two shared a look of rare complete understanding.

_Maybe that's it_ , Riki thought. Because of the day, anyone would be suspicious if I suddenly wanted to speak with Kyousuke privately out of nowhere. _Maybe, if I want to do it, I have to find a way to meet up with him when nobody else is around_.

But that did kind of sound a little impossible. Or at least stupidly over-ambitious.

“All right, I'm back!” Kyousuke declared, placing the juice down.

_I'm such a moron..._ Riki thought as he shrivelled up into a little bug and died.

Lunch ended. As Riki prepared for the next class, he tried to keep his heart in order.

_This is not that difficult,_ he told himself over and over. _It really, really is not. You know what? Screw those 'requirements'. The next time you see Kyousuke after school, you'll ask him aside - just like that. Maybe the others'll think it looks suspicious, but who cares? They'll know afterwards what went down, anyway. This is what you get for throwing away that option earlier. Now you have to do this the hard way._

But by now, even when the promise was an hour away from needing to be upheld, he couldn't make himself feel anything other than dread.

When school ended, Riki let out a breath. Here it was. No running away anymore. He was going to do it. Somehow.

Kyousuke dropped onto the windowsill, maneuvering through it to the classroom as acrobatically as always. “Hey, guys.”

Riki turned towards him. And then, Kengo caught sight of him.

“You really should go to bed, Riki.”

Riki started, confused. “I – huh?”

Kyousuke peered at him, eyes narrowed. “Yeah, you look awful. What's going on?”

“He has a cold,” Masato said.

“Or the flu,” Kengo added.

“Don't you think he just looks really tired?” Rin said.

“Erm...”

Kyousuke shook his head. “It's not good to go to school if you're feeling sick. What if someone else caught your illness? Your attendance is fine, right? Nobody will care if you miss a day.”

“Um...no, that's... I'm not really...”

“Or are you just tired?” Kengo asked.

Riki looked at him. Then he looked at Masato, and Rin. And finally, he looked Kyousuke right in the eye.

And then, Naoe Riki did something that he swore would define the way he saw himself for the rest of his life.

“...no, you're right.” He looked down and shook his head. “Ahah, yeah... I should just lie down or something, that'd probably be fine...”

“See?” Kyousuke put a hand on his shoulder. _Do not touch me. I am not worthy of being touched by other human beings._ “Not so hard, right?”

“I'll walk you,” Masato offered, and Riki didn't have the strength to argue.

_What's the point, anyway... What is even the goddamn point..._

In no time at all, Masato was offering to stay with him to keep him company and Riki was assuring him it was okay, and then the door was shut and Riki was alone and pathetic again.

He sighed, leaning back on the bed.

_This is bullshit,_ he thought. _This is such utter bullshit. Nobody does this. There is no way that human beings all do this at some point in their lives. This is impossible. Nobody ever dates, I bet it's all just a big joke played on the people who aren't in on it._

He rolled over onto his side.

It's not like it'd be so bad. His feelings couldn't last forever, right? Even if he had to wait another four years, or ten years, or twenty, at some point he'd be able to tell Kyousuke it happened without any trace of fear. And they'd all laugh at how stupid and pathetic it was and maybe, just maybe, future Riki might not be completely doomed.

Left on his own, there was nothing he could do to stop himself stewing. And as time went on, he only became more depressed.

_What was the point of it all, then? Did I really get stronger? Have I even grown at all? Last time, I tried so, so hard, but this time, I just kept giving up over and over..._

Riki closed his eyes.

_And then there was the time with Kurugaya... Have I actually gotten worse? Or could I only get that far with her because everyone else was doing half the work?_

_I just... I don't want to be rejected..._

And then he heard a noise.

He opened his eyes. There was an envelope on the floor, as though it had just been pushed under the door. And then, after a moment, a little bag filled with chocolate followed, sliding over the wood.

Riki's heart stopped.

_But- they're the only ones who know I'm here, right?_ He thought as he leaped up and rushed towards the letter. _I mean, they could've told someone, but what if – what if they didn't -_

He ripped it open and pulled out the letter, eyes searching.

_I've fallen in love with you-_

Without thinking, Riki pushed the door open and almost fell out of the room, steadying himself on the knob.

About ten metres away, Kyousuke stood, head turned back to Riki at the surprise noise.

They stared at each other.

Riki couldn't breathe.

Kyousuke glanced away, and then back at him. He seemed to have the same problem.

But then, after a quiet cough, Kyousuke said: “...have you read it?”

Riki shook his head. “No, I, I just opened it, I didn't have time to...”

Kyousuke was scratching his head. It was hard to tell, but it seemed like his cheeks were a little red.

_None of this is actually happening_ , Riki thought. _There's no way._

“...well.” Kyousuke bit his lip. He shoved his hands into his pockets. He tilted his head, and then gestured with his head towards the letter.

After a moment, Riki got the message.

Hands shaking, he held it up again.

_Riki,_

_Sorry to both you in such a lame way, but I'm not actually anywhere near as cool as you think I am (I know!! It's awful!!) and, if I'm honest, I can get really super nervous too, sometimes. And, well, the truth of the matter is, this is sorta something that I probably should've done years ago, and at this stage it feels like it'd be more of a failure to not do it at all than to do it this way._

_The truth is simply this: I've fallen in love with you._

_I love everything about you, Riki. I love-_

Riki looked up again. He'd never felt so much all at once in his entire life, so full of joy and confusion and wonder and feeling. His face felt so hot and he was sure he was making some kind of unattractive gaping face but Kyousuke just nodded a little and shrugged helplessly.

“U-uhh...”

_I love you too_ , he wanted to say. _I love you so much, I wanted to tell you more than anything, please say it again, I want to hear it so much._

But he couldn't.

His tongue was frozen, his lips mouthing nonsensical shapes. He was shaking, so much. There was just too much – he was paralysed, unable to respond, screaming at himself inside his mind, but unable to get even a single real word out.

“...that's fine.” Kyousuke leaned forward comfortingly; of course now, as always, Kyousuke would be able to read him better than he read himself. “Maybe...write it down?”

Riki swallowed, found breath. “W-what?”

“If you can't say it... write it down.” Kyousuke nodded to the letter in Riki's hands, face already as red as Riki's felt. “Like that.”

“But...” Riki shook his head. “You're – right there, I can't-”

Without another word, Kyousuke turned around and began to walk away. Over his shoulder, his hand made a waving gesture to Riki – go ahead. I'll be waiting.

Riki watched him go until he was out of eyesight, and then some more.

Finally he drifted back into his room and closed the door slowly behind him.

_He... likes me. Kyousuke likes me. Loves me._

A hand came automatically to his mouth. Now, on his own, he couldn't stop smiling. More than that – felt like he'd never stop smiling. He swallowed thickly – Kyousuke liked him. Kyousuke _loved him._

He was so...happy.

But after a moment he wrenched his hand away, turning towards his desk. No – he couldn't celebrate just yet. He still had a task to complete, and a very important one.

Filled with an energy he hadn't known before, he took his notebook out of his bag and set it out on the desk, picking up his pen.

Now, he thought. To do it properly.

He considered briefly putting down the words he had decided earlier to say, but dismissed the thought immediately. That speech for for another time, a totally different situation. Not only was it no longer relevant, but when Riki remembered the dull words and the transparent attempts to assure a non-existent audience that no, he wouldn't care at all if Kyousuke didn't feel the same way, it all sounded so stupid he almost laughed. No, he would not hide behind words carefully chosen for their total blandness. Now, he would lay himself bare and reveal his feelings in full like a man. And there was only one way to do that – by writing the most ridiculously embarrassing love letter he could come up with.

Because, really, his feelings for Kyousuke _were_ embarrassing. True feelings always were.

And so, he wrote.

*

Riki leaned back, exhausted. It had taken what felt like hours, but finally, finally could he say that he was happy with the result.

Again, his eyes travelled to the chocolate he had moved to the desk. The odd, slightly misshapen wrapping betrayed that it had clearly been hand-made. Yet the chocolates within were almost perfect – Riki couldn't bare to even open them, let alone eat one.

He chuckled, remembering the end of Kyousuke's letter – (P.S., the chocolates came out really well, didn't they? Though, that's mostly because I kept screwing it up, so Kamikita and Noumi did half the work for this batch... By then I was a little sick because I kept eating all the failed chocolates... >.>)

Smiling, he looked to the letter as well again, slightly crinkled and badly smoothed by trembling hands. His eyes searched for the words:

_I love everything about you, Riki. I love your kindness and your compassion and how you always try to help out anybody who needs it. I love how hard you try to support and take care of other people, even though you won't try that hard for yourself-_

Riki looked away again, breath heavy. Okay, so, he still couldn't make his way through the actual letter. He still became too overthrown by emotion and had to look away, unable to take in another word of such unexpected praise. That was okay. It was okay. He would read it someday, maybe. He was pretty sure he got the gist. He'd forced himself to read the end, anyway.

_But still..._ he thought, hand at his mouth again, _It's so nice, it's too nice... Except, it isn't nice, it's his honest feelings, and..._

Riki covered his face with his hands. He wanted to rewrite his own letter again.

But...no.

Riki took up the letter in his own handwriting and clumsily folded it. Kyousuke had given him a task – trusted him. And now, for the first time in his life, he thought he could actually do this.

He'd learned of Kyousuke's feelings, and now he'd put his own down, too. There was just one step left.

His heart thudded in his chest as he strode through the halls, but his head was strangely light. The decisions had all been made, now. All that was necessary was for him to carry out the tasks that were in motion.

There were still people gathered about, laughing and talking excitedly; in the hall on the third floor, he saw some poor guy shuffling forward with dull eyes. Riki winced in sympathy. But he was not deterred.

When he reached the door to Kyousuke's room, he hesitated for a moment. However, steeling himself, standing straight up, he knocked.

Kyousuke's roommate answered.

“Huh? Oh, um, Naoe, right?”

Riki nodded, momentarily thrown. He couldn't see much, but from his view it didn't seem like Kyousuke was inside anymore. But this was fine – slight change of plans. He could handle this.

He actually _could_ handle this.

“Yes.” Riki thrust the folded sheet of paper towards Kyousuke's roommate. “Sorry, but could you give this to Kyousuke when he gets back?”

“Huh?” Kyousuke's roommate hesitated, clearly surprised, but took the letter when Riki gestured with his hand. “Um, I guess, sure-”

“Thanks a lot, then!” Riki said, waving just for a moment before he span around and left briskly.

_With the day, and the way I was acting, there's no way he didn't get what I was doing..._ Riki thought a little helplessly, but then pursed his lips. _Well... whatever! If we're actually going to be lovers, then... he'll have to find out sometime, right?_

_Lovers..._

Riki leaned against the wall for a few seconds.

_I can do this! I can do this...!_

When he returned to his room, he threw himself onto the bed again.

Anytime soon, Kyousuke would be receiving the letter. He'd stare down at it, worried, and then tear it open. And then, full of hope and dread, Riki imagined, he would read.

_Kyousuke,_

_I love you, too! I have for years now – you were the one I wrote the first love letter to, and ever since no matter how hard I try I haven't been able to stop caring about you. I could never possibly thank you enough for everything you've done for me, from the day we met and you changed my life forever to all the events of last year, but I also can't possibly explain to you just how happy it makes me to be with you. Every minute I spend with you is so wonderful that I can't think of anything better than being with you forever, as lovers. I want to do everything with you._

_Reading your letter made me happier than almost anything else I've done. And if we really could be lovers like you said, that would be so much better!_

_(Sorry if this comes on too strong) (and don't even think about asking for that first letter – it's way too embarrassing!)_

_Riki_

Riki bit his lip.

_Lovers like you said..._

He pushed his face into the pillow.

_S-so embarrassing..._

*

When Riki walked into the cafeteria for dinner, his entire body felt like a gently quivering solid mass.

Kyousuke, sitting at the table, locked eyes with him. He was already smiling.

Before Riki could speak, Kyousuke took out his phone and started typing.

As Masato sat down with Kengo and Rin and began to talk about something or other, Riki took out his phone and saw a new message.

_So, we're absolutely lovers now, right?? <333_

Riki grinned and looked up.

“Yeah!” he said.


End file.
